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Candy Corn Oreos: A Gothtober Review


CANDY CORN OREOS. They are real. Earlier that week, Sebastian and I struck OUT trying to find them at the Eagle Rock Target, which made us wonder if it was all just a joke, but honestly, we were just too early in trying to get them. Erin found them easily just a couple days afterward and said that the store had an entire section packed to the gills with the things, so if you want them now, it should be very easy to procure a bag. All the Halloween stuff is up as well.

Our specialized candy corn OREO testing lab was located at Rosemary’s house. Rosemary is a big fan of Gothtober, and with daughter, Lori, is collaborating on what will be DAY 15 on the Gothtober calendar.

So we had Erin who BOUGHT the Candy Corn Oreos, Rosemary and Jason who supervised us, and Lori and Erin and I were the courageous guinea pigs. Erin was especially brave, because she had a very traumatic candy corn barf story from her youth that involved winning a giant bag of candy corn in a drawing contest and eating the entire bag of tri-color candies… resulting in bright orange projectile uh… fireworks.

Upon opening the bag and taking out the tray, Lori said “Oooh, they’re pretty!”

Now… we could just hate on these, because they are absolutely artificial and outside of the regular OREO realm of decency. But Erin made a good point: What is a candy corn supposed to be?” Corn?!? No, it’s not supposed to be corn. It’s a reminder of corn, especially since it’s three times the size of a regular kernel of corn. Candy corns, invented in the 1880s are naturally predisposed to the artificial flavors that are the hallmark of its candy-ness. Once upon a time when candy corns were hand made, the predominant flavors were honey and vanilla. Those flavors are easy enough to imitate in today’s lightning speed automated factories. Even Brachs candy corn has artificial flavoring, in addition to the real honey of its recipe. So when you open the bag, you get a whiff of “artificial flavor” which didn’t surprise us one bit. We’re not bothered that a cookie with artificial ingredients is attempting to replicate a candy that also possesses artificial ingredients.

We peeled the cookie halves apart, and could see the divided filling which contains one half of yellow, the other half is orange. I was able to separate the filling into two separate units of color for tasting. Can’t be positive, but it seems like the yellow side had more of a candy corn taste. But at that point, I might’ve just been high on sugar. It’s definitely a very sweet cookie, and Lori said “Since I first started eating them I began talking a lot more.” We were all talking a lot more.

I’d have to say that if the customary white, orange and yellow coloring and the triangular shape makes a candy corn, so does the texture. Ultimately, this is how the candy corn OREO fails, because a candy corn just isn’t a cookie, and vice versa. A candy corn’s weird waxlike density combined with the sugary vanilla flavoring is the ultimate juxtaposition of what will convince your mouth that something “tastes” like candy corn. Otherwise, this cookie just tastes like frosting between two sandwich cookie pieces, which crumbles into very non-candy-corn-like disorderly particles.

Out of 10 points, 10 being the best, we gave it a 5. Why a 5? It stands alone as a very sweet cookie, the filling seems like the kind of pre-packaged tubes of frosting that is sold in the cake aisle of the grocery store. The quality of the “cookie” part of the OREO is quite good, very crisp and simple. You’d never in a million years know it was candy corn flavored if you tried one of these in a blind taste test. And you might be sort of turned off by the artificial flavors… but after time goes by, you might feel like eating another one just because its there.

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Spotlight on Seafoam Salad!


We’re on a food bandwagon for the moment, finding ways to bide our time until Gothtober launches, and since we’ve been covering autumnal or scary foods, I thought I’d focus on a “scary” one that surprisingly, offers some history. It all started when my friend, Shannon Gallagher, handed me Church Suppers from Publications International, Ltd. saying “Oh, I’ve been meaning to give this to you.”
This collection of edible Americana is a dedicated treasury of time-honored baked, boiled, whirled, tossed, stirred and chilled masterpieces that have graced the counters and tables of religious organizations across the nation. But of all the casseroles, gelatins, puffs, spreads and crunches, the one that really conveys a pious yet humble and down-home type of American determination might be “Seafoam Salad.”
Seafoam salad is mint green, but tastes nothing like mint.
Seafoam salad is full of surprises.
The very illustrious and strange Seafoam salad was popularized by the lunch counter at Woolworth stores (officially open for business in 1878) and exists within the pantheon of the all-time great dessert salads. Unlike Waldorf salad (first created between 1893 and 1896 at the Waldorf Hotel in New York City) Seafoam salad’s dominating flavor leans toward sweet, not savory. Over the years, depending upon the region you were raised in, a Seafoam salad might contain pears or pineapples, maraschino cherries, mayonnaise or other unknown variations with the purpose of providing a “high performance” eating experience for luncheons, schools and congregations of sorts.
Seafoam salad is green and creamy or lumpy, which seems sort of like a perfect Halloween dish to me, which is why I’ll share this current version from PIL’s Church Suppers so that you have the most up-to-date version on hand.

INGREDIENTS:

2 cans (8 oz. each) Crushed pineapple in juice
1 package (4 serving size) lime gelatin
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup cold water
1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese
3/4 cup coarsely chopped pecans
2/3 cup celery slices
1 1/2 cups thawed whipped topping

1.) Drain pineapple in sieve. Squeeze pineapple to remove most of the juice. Reserve 3 tablespoons of juice
2.) Place gelatin in medium bowl; stir in boiling water until gelatin is desolved. Stir in cold water and reserved 3 tablespoons pineapple juice.
3.) Beat cream cheese in large bowl with electric mixer until smooth. Beat in 1/4 cup gelatin mixture until blended. Slowly beat in remaining gelatin mixture. Chill until thick, about 1 hour.
4.) Stir in pineapple, pecans and celery. Fold in whipped topping. Pour into clear glass serving dish. Chill about 2 hours or until set.
Makes 8 to 10 servings, WOOOOO!

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The Spice is on the Pumpkin, and the Pumpkin’s in the Latté

According to Frank Woo, International Handsome Man of Mystery, CraftNight Crafter and Starbucks employee extraordinaire, your pumpkin-flavored sipping experience has officially arrived! 

Technically, it’s not Fall until September 22nd, but if you’ve just got to have the taste of nutmeg and clove and spicy sassy pumpkin that sets the scene for “October’s Bright Blue Weather” you can get started right this very minute without an iota of hesitation. I believe you can also get it in Frappé form, AND salted caramel mochas are also available.

Matter of fact, I dare you to get some Candy Corn Oreos and wash them down with a pumpkin spice latté and see if your glycemic index forces each of your teeth to hum in four-part harmony. It’s an indecent request, but worth trying, in the interest in order to live a rich, full life, especially if you survive.

Thanks Frank!

 

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Candy Corn Oreos: REAL (Arriving September 10th)

Absurd! And for $3.59 at a Target near you through Halloween, Kraft has done it again. And by “it again” I mean some sort of torridly bizarre yellow-colored food aimed at reeling in the curious, the depraved, the risky thrill seekers on the edge of sanity… yes, we’re trying them. Mind you, Kraft brought us “macaroni & cheese” the tell-tale blue and yellow box with the lil’ noodles and the powdered yellow stuff that you stir into margarine and water to make… an exciting pile of YELLOW, best served with hot dog pennies. In Canada they simply call it “Kraft Dinner.” Whether it’s pasteurized processed individually wrapped cheese slices, Mac & Cheese or now… Candy Corn Oreos, Kraft is one of the grand daddies of natural and artificial flavors, and don’t you forget it.

This cookie ingenue has a filling that’s half yellow, half orange. Those of us who like candy corn will probably be all weirded out but want to try them anyway. It’s so wrong it’s right. It’s a conversation piece for your autumnal office party. They taste like modern times. This is everything we’ve fought for, or so they’d have us believe.

They’ll be sweet, in any case. They have to be, right?  I mean, the deal is, if a new flavored chip is on the market, you’re going to taste the trippy powder sprayed ON the chip. And as far as these candy corn Halloween Oreos go… we’re looking at the “blonde” oreo sandwich cookie part… and a different flavored “filling.” Because they make “birthday cake” flavored Oreos, a big deal as it’s the 100th year of making these little cookies that America’s been eating column by column since 1912. The consensus so far is that any auxiliary Oreo flavor basically tastes like sugary frosting. I remember the bright red double stuffed bag of Oreos stolen from the kitchen when we were burglerized in the 90s. Ah, the good ol’ days.

BUT ANYWAY WOW! This has NEVER existed before, a Candy corn flavored Oreo! They used the “blonde” cookies instead of the original chocolate to make it look more like a candy corn. Is that sad? Would chocolate have tasted better? If you picked up one of these not knowing it’s “candy corn” flavored, would you KNOW what it’s supposed to be emulating? Will the subtle honey and vanilla flavors of actual candy corn be apparent in this novelty snack?

Not a lot of people know that a “lemon” version of Oreos was available briefly in 1920, and in China it just gets crazy, with peach, mango and blueberry, some sort of spirited fruit campaign goes on over there. I’ve got friends in China… I need to see these. Chile and Argentina both have Dulce de Leche and Chocolate Oreos, how do we get some?

Anyway, that’s the crazy snack news flash, at some point I’ll tell you what they taste like, and there will be photos. I kind of hope you’re outraged and disgusted so that we can torment you further with more news about it. I love cookie gossip.

 

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Every Leaf Shall be a Flower

 

The “High carnival season for witches, fairies, and the immaterial principle in humanity” is preparing it’s annual decent on the land, and so Gothtober follows suit. We’re sharpening the candy corns, bubbling the eyes of newts, tuning the frog croaks and calling all A-List apparitions this 2012 season. Here then is a little gem from the New York Times (1892) to get you in the mood and prepare you for the glory of autumn… 

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CAMP BLOOD • Day 31 Concluding Gothtober!!!

Get scared all queer style with Ian MacKinnon for Halloween!

Don’t be mooning anyone on Camp Crystal Lake, because someone is watching, someone named Jason Voorhees. If you encounter a hockey mask-wearing madman on the way to your cabin, don’t say I didn’t warn you. You may think you know Jason, but think again.

Not everyone knows the TRUE story of Jason, and it’s high time the world knows, he’s not just a ripoff of Michael Myers in Halloween, he’s not just a wild slasher in the woods, he’s so so much more…

This video is the creative child of WIG OUT! (cabaret run by none other than the extremely fantastic Jean Natalia.) Featuring the works of Ian MacKinnon and the dancing of Gregory Barnett! Originally a live performance for “Bloody Summer Camp” night, post-show the usual mutual adoration/comeraderie ensued and that night it was agreed that this video was getting made. VIVA LA WIG OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEENNNNNNN!!!!

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Pumpkin Time with Christine Panushka • Day 30

The pumpkins are BACK and ready for a dance, but we seem to be following a few themes of this year’s Gothtober, one of them involves the perilous plight of fruits and vegetables! Another theme people are following this year is metal music! But not this piece, this is a crazy little tale of pumpkins on the run, during their night time escapade. See what we mean by clicking on Gothtober Day 30 by the illustrious Christine Panushka. 

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Happy Madness with Brudders • Day 29

You know how it is, you go to the drive-through, get your Happy Box with the toy surprise inside, and maybe it’s something you want… and maybe it isn’t. Presenting from Little Green Dog an exquisite piece of candy for your eyeballs, starring the characters from the comic called Brudders. Team Little Green Dog is no stranger to Gothtober, here is a link to their piece for Gothtober from 2005 called Hello Frankenstein. We’re happy to have them back again with this special drive-through treat.

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Demons, Bicyclists, Hamburgers, Oh MY! Day 28

Shot in and around Echo Park, Los Angeles, this is the first Gothtober film to involve demon possession via fast food hamburger. Look closely at the branding in this film, and be careful if you ever see a Chamuco Restaurant when you’re driving around town… maybe keep driving. That’s it, just roll on by, and if you see beautiful women eating Chamuco burgers that tell you you’re “totally nice” and follow you in their truck: RUN.

The film makers were shooed away from various parts of Los Angeles by people insisting they had to have permits. Neighbors were alerted from the blood-curdling screaming performance and came out to the porch with concern, and then amusement. One neighbor let the crew use her kitchen to wash off after a particularly gory scene. This is guerilla filming at its best, get out there and use the nearest cul de sac to make a masterpiece! We think you’ll agree, this was done in spades and then some by Coral Lobera of Listen Lady Productions and Vladimir Santos of Exploding Buffalo.