Absurd! And for $3.59 at a Target near you through Halloween, Kraft has done it again. And by “it again” I mean some sort of torridly bizarre yellow-colored food aimed at reeling in the curious, the depraved, the risky thrill seekers on the edge of sanity… yes, we’re trying them. Mind you, Kraft brought us “macaroni & cheese” the tell-tale blue and yellow box with the lil’ noodles and the powdered yellow stuff that you stir into margarine and water to make… an exciting pile of YELLOW, best served with hot dog pennies. In Canada they simply call it “Kraft Dinner.” Whether it’s pasteurized processed individually wrapped cheese slices, Mac & Cheese or now… Candy Corn Oreos, Kraft is one of the grand daddies of natural and artificial flavors, and don’t you forget it.
This cookie ingenue has a filling that’s half yellow, half orange. Those of us who like candy corn will probably be all weirded out but want to try them anyway. It’s so wrong it’s right. It’s a conversation piece for your autumnal office party. They taste like modern times. This is everything we’ve fought for, or so they’d have us believe.
They’ll be sweet, in any case. They have to be, right? I mean, the deal is, if a new flavored chip is on the market, you’re going to taste the trippy powder sprayed ON the chip. And as far as these candy corn Halloween Oreos go… we’re looking at the “blonde” oreo sandwich cookie part… and a different flavored “filling.” Because they make “birthday cake” flavored Oreos, a big deal as it’s the 100th year of making these little cookies that America’s been eating column by column since 1912. The consensus so far is that any auxiliary Oreo flavor basically tastes like sugary frosting. I remember the bright red double stuffed bag of Oreos stolen from the kitchen when we were burglerized in the 90s. Ah, the good ol’ days.
BUT ANYWAY WOW! This has NEVER existed before, a Candy corn flavored Oreo! They used the “blonde” cookies instead of the original chocolate to make it look more like a candy corn. Is that sad? Would chocolate have tasted better? If you picked up one of these not knowing it’s “candy corn” flavored, would you KNOW what it’s supposed to be emulating? Will the subtle honey and vanilla flavors of actual candy corn be apparent in this novelty snack?
Not a lot of people know that a “lemon” version of Oreos was available briefly in 1920, and in China it just gets crazy, with peach, mango and blueberry, some sort of spirited fruit campaign goes on over there. I’ve got friends in China… I need to see these. Chile and Argentina both have Dulce de Leche and Chocolate Oreos, how do we get some?
Anyway, that’s the crazy snack news flash, at some point I’ll tell you what they taste like, and there will be photos. I kind of hope you’re outraged and disgusted so that we can torment you further with more news about it. I love cookie gossip.
We’re starting your week with an uplifting, mind-altering experience called The Waller Family Singers. The Wallers set out for the desert with the specific purpose of not doing any yoga, but instead to create a film combining the collaborative input of all family members.
I don’t know what your brain is up to, and sometimes I don’t know what mine is up to either, but now you get to decide what brains are doing in Oonstein’s “Horrors of Demography.”
It’s creepy, it’s crazy, it’s Billy Kheel! Seriously, Billy has been freaking us out on Gothtober for years now. Every year, without fail, Gothtober’s headquarters has a slight chill of anticipation/trepidation before we open Billy’s files to see what may be inside. His work is always impeccably rendered, always unpredictable. Here’s hoping you’re ready to rock out, because Billy’s piece this year is a weird and catchy music video dedicated to tanning beds, firearms, monsters and suspicious activities.